I never feel quite comfortable dressing up, the pretense of celebration and expectations of those around me make my skin itch and my palms sweat.
I graduate from third year tomorrow, my Junior Cert taking place in a week from now. I'm by no means prepared for these State Examinations, but I can't find it in myself to care. My grades mean nothing, having no say in my future career or even what classes I'm taking next year. Really, I think they only use it as a trial run; something to give you a taste as to what the Leaving Cert is like.
It's all meaningless to me, whether I pass or fail. I've stopped caring about school a long time ago. Amazingly enough, I'm still stuck in most Higher Level subjects, passing with almost no effort at all.
Imagine if I actually went to school on regular basis?
Back to the point of this post though; the dreaded end of year graduation. I'm supposed to wear this hideous looking-dress that doesn't do anything but rip my self-esteem to shreds. It shows skin I'd rather leave hidden, the price obviously not reflecting the amount fabric that was used making the dress. My mother bought it for me. She knows my dress size, sure she's bought me clothes before. But sometimes her vindictive streak gets the better of her and she buys a smaller size on purpose; forcing me to go back to the store to change it and go through the humiliating ordeal time and time again.
I'm tempted to burn it.
I've never felt comfortable dressing up and I doubt tomorrow is going to be any different.
Until next time,
~ S
